The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray

I've figured out the main reason I don't blog often. It's not that I don't have lots of ideas for entries. I do. It's not that I couldn't find time to write. I could. The real reason is that I want to have an idea fully fleshed out before I write about it. I am sure that is silly. In fact, I know that most bloggers use the actual writing as a way to develop an idea. My problem is that I want to know where an entry is going before I even start it.

I guess that could be a problem in other aspects of my life as well. I am a planner. If I don't have a plan I feel scared. It makes me nervous, and if forced to operate without a pan for too long I actually get sick. The rational me knows that sometimes it is a good idea to "fly by the seat of your pants", but I really have a hard time sticking to that. I can't tell you how many times I have decided that I should be more spontaneous. Yes, I see the absurdity of planning to be more spontaneous.

The problems with over-planning involve a couple things. Of course, there is the problem of missing out on new things because I have already planned something else. I think that I have done an ok job over the past few years combating that one. I am much more flexible than I was a few years ago. I credit that to being a Mom. My girls, so often, find amazing opportunities. They are so amazing that I know we can't pass them up (even if it means adjusting my precious plan.) This flexibility has created a new problem that I can't seem to shake. Even though I am happy to add new things to my plan as they are presented, I can't let go of the planned activities. The result is that I end up feeling stressed as I try in vain to "stick to the plan". Eventually I end up feeling like a failure.

This tends to be especially true with the girls' school. I have what I think are very realistic goals for them. The plan is for them to do math and language arts (writing for Kali, reading for Claire) five days a week. I do have "curriculums" for other subjects, but they are used to supplement the life learning. The problem ends up being that as I try to be flexible to allow lots of opportunities for life learning we often have less that five days to devote to math and language arts. As much as I believe that real life learning is absorbed better than artificial desk learning I still can't let go of the plan when it comes to skills like reading, writing, and arithmetic. This results in school sometimes being less than the euphoric experience I imagined when I decided to homeschool the girls.

So once I again I am planning to be more spontaneous. To help me in this endeavour I looked up a few quotes about chilling out.

"Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans." John Lennon

"Expect the best, plan for the worst, and be prepared to be surprised." Denis Waitley

"In preparing for battle I have found that plans are useless, but planning is indispensable." Dwight Eisenhower

"Those who plan do better than those who do not plan even though they rarely stick to their plan." Winston Churchill

"It is not the strongest of the species that survive, not the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change." Darwin

New Year...

Well,I am a little late on posting a new year update. In fact, the new year didn't really begin in the way I was hoping. My Gramps dies on January 2nd after having broken his hip a week earlier. I know that he had an amazingly long (and eventful) life. In fact,you could almost say that he had several lifetimes. He was a child in Brush Creek Tennessee. His family were sharecroppers, and he began working the land at a very young age. He also got married when he was quite young, but we don't really know what happened to that marriage. As a young adult he joined the Army, and fought in WWII. He was on the communications team. His job was to sneak in and run communication lines before the combat teams arrived. He helped lay the lines at Normandy! It was very dangerous work, and in fact he lost his hearing in one ear (and a good friend) when his fox hole blew up. The war wasn't all bad for Gramps though. I am sure we could fill a whole book with the escapades of (the alias he gave all the European women he wooed). After the war he came home and married Margaret. They moved to Illinois where they could find work. Then when they couldn't have children, they adopted my Mom. The real story is that my Gramps brought my Mom home as a present for his wife. Unfortunately, Margaret struggled with mental illness, and because of this she always wondered if my Mom was actually Gramps illegitimate child (which she was not). It was a rough patch of time for my Gramps, as he tried to protect my Mom from Margaret, but it formed a close bond between my Mom and Gramps. Eventually, Margaret succumbed to her illness and committed suicide. Shortly after that my Mom became an adult, and Gramps decided to move back to Tennessee. Once again he took to wooing the woman, and it seems he had quite a good time partying for a few years. Eventually, he met another woman to settle down with. She was a widow with a 10 year old son, and 2 grown daughters. Gramps married RosieLee and tried to raise the son. He and RosieLee stayed married for 27 years. Toward the end RosieLee was dealing with Alzheimer's disease. Gramps took care of her faithfully even when she became combative. Eventually she too died, and Gramps was once again a widower. By this point he was in his mid 80's, and my mom was able to convince him to come live with her. He was suffering from severe artery blockages, and it took some time for my Mom to nurse him back to health. The past 6+ years have been spent living with my parents. He got joy from spoiling their dog, doing circle the word puzzles, watching Wheel of Fortune (and beating everyone), and playing with my kids. I would venture to say that getting to be with the kids is a big reason he survived so long. So as you can see, he had quite a ride. Even so, the abruptness of his death is hard. We should be thankful that he didn't have a long painful death (and we are), but we didn't really have time to prepare ourselves for it. At any rate, I personally am thankful that my children got to really know their Great Grandfather, and her really was a GREAT Grandfather.

Well, this turned into a tribute to Gramps. I have more to say about the new year, but I think I will save that for another post.

Happy New Year Gramps!!! We miss you...

I meant to write .... Really!

Life seems to have a way of getting away from me. I am fully aware that it has been 6 months since I wrote a post, but that's just the way it is lately.

Anyway, we are about to get back to schooling regularly. My plan is to do four or five weeks of school then take a week or two off. This way I won't feel better scheduling breaks. I also want to make more time for field trips. The girls are both at such great ages that I think trips will be easier and more beneficial than ever before. This will be the first time I homeschool both girls full time. I am feeling a bit nervous, but I have planned a bunch and that always calms me. Here is the plan:

Morning Message:
This will be an interactive activity that both girls can participate in. It may be from history, science, art or music.

Seatwork:
Kali

• Math
  
• Grammar
• Cursive writing

Claire

• Math
• Language arts

Special Activity:
This will be done together and will encompass all other subjects. My plan is to have a loose theme each week. We may not do every subject every week. One week we may do history and art. Another we may find time for science and music. Also, there will be a box of books and a box of resources (like worksheets and games) that support the theme. These will be available all the time.

Here is a list of the curricula I am using:

• Mc Ruffy Press math grades 1 and 3
• Mc Ruffy Press language arts grade 1
• Spectrum language arts grade 3
• Hacourt Family Learning cursive writing practice book
• Carson Delrosa Integrating Reading, Writing, and Words Lessons
• Scholastic Month-by-Month Trait-Based Writing Instruction
• Themes to Remember by Marjorie Kiel Persons
• Discovering Great Artists by MaryAnn F. Kohl & Kim Solga
• Story of the World book 3

So there you have it. It seems a bit ambitious, but I think we will be doing it in bits and pieces. Also I am not going to be rigid about finishing everything.

Wish us luck!!!

I had great parents. Not perfect parents mind you. I mean they were 17 when they got married,18 when I was born. Neither of them had good parental role models, so they were basically using trial and error to learn to parent. Still I always knew they were trying. I knew they cared. My brother and had everything we needed and even some things we wanted despite the fact we were dirt poor (at least when i was very young). There was plenty of hugging and talking.

Then I became an adult and they continued to be my parents. They made the transition so seamlessly. They became my cheerleaders and my safety net. The security I felt as a young adult knowing that someone would try to catch me if I fell was amazing. There was still lots of hugging and talking. I am well aware of how fortunate I have been.

Slowly, though, things have been changing. I am becoming my parents cheerleaders and safety net. I am the one giving encouragement when my parents feel overwhelmed. I am the one to try to relieve her insecurities. I am the one hiding my own anxieties to keep from worrying them. I know this is normal. I am the one doing the hugging and talking. I know this is how it is supposed to be. I know this is their reward for the great job they have done all these years parenting me. But sometimes, I still wish I was the kid...

Our first dance competition

Sometimes I have so much to say that it seems hard to organize into a blog post. The result ends up being a choice between a very disjointed post or no post at all. I guess I should go for the disjointed post, but I usually choose to wait until my thoughts are more organized (which seems to be never lately.) Anyway, for today I will try to stick to one topic, but my ADD brain may have trouble.

Last weekend was Curly Q's first dance competition. I have really mixed feelings about it (as does Curly Q..) It was a workshop as well as competition so the schedule was intense. She had classes from 7:30 -2:30 pm Saturday, then they competed. Sunday classes were from 8-3. It was a lot for her and the others in her company. By Sunday morning they all looked like they would rather hide than dance. Adding to the trouble was that the age group they were in went up to 10 (plus some kids were actually older). Still, the teachers were fun,and every one of them talked about the importance of having fun while dancing.

The competition was quite a learning experience. Some of these companies are SERIOUS. One in particular jumps out. In order to join their company you have to homeschool your child. This is because they practice dance 6 days a week. They also brought a make-up artist, seamstress and caterer to the competition. The biggest surprise was the massage tables and masseuse. Yep, that's right, between routines and classes the dancers from their studio got professional massages.

The problem for me isn't that they did these things. Obviously they are very committed, and it showed in their dancing. They were very good, amazing even. The problem is that by competing with them we start to feel like we should be that good. In order to be that good our girls would have to be just as dedicated, but in truth I would rather raise a well rounded daughter than a competitive dancer. It is so easy to get caught up in it though.

So there you have my initial thoughts on dance competitions. I am kind of hoping that the next one is a different experience.

One of THOSE Moms

I admit I struggle with hubris. Not for myself (although I do have a healthy amount of self confidence),but for my girls. I know that simple biology accounts for my belief that my girls are among the best. All Moms think that about their children. Still, when one of them seems to excel at some thing or even if they make some sort of advancement my heart swells. When Curly Q. started dancing I was sure she was the BEST in her class. Actually she was, but when compared with other good dancers she is average. She holds her own,and if she continues I think she will do well. She has a great memory for choreography,but she has to work to learn the steps. However,if you had asked me last year I was sure dancing was in her blood.

Now it is Bear's turn. She is in a dance class with kids a full year older than her, and she is one of the top two dancers in the class. It makes me smile as I watch her pick up steps so easily. The place I am most excited for her is gymnastics. She has mastered all the beginning skills and is being moved up to the next level. Her teacher (who is probably just very good at keeping parents happy to come back session after session) tells me he is very impressed with her. The prospect of being asked to join both dance company and gymnastics team is very real,and I have to admit it feels exciting in a strange way even though either opportunity would be a huge expense both financially and time wise. If she happens to be chosen for both she would be required to choose one which could be quite a tumultuous choice. I shouldn't be looking forward to these situations, but I am.

Even as I look back over what I have written I know it is crazy. My children are 5 and 7. There is no need for them to excel at anything other than being kids. I think I keep my feeling under wraps enough that it doesn't affect them and their choices.

BTW I know I am freak so please don't feel the need to remind me of that fact in the comments ;-)

Consumerism

I grew up with shopping therapy. We weren't well off when I was very little, but by the time I hit high school we were doing pretty well. Also, I started working when I was 15 and all my earnings became spending cash. So the mall became my psychiatrist's office. Didn't do well in a theater audition, try this new shirt. Broke up with my boyfriend, how about a new pair of earrings. As I got older it continued. Didn't get the job I wanted, new curtains will fix everything. Having trouble with a friend, well at least my furniture matches. This went on for a LONG time.

Of course as I have mentioned here, I am trying to be a better consumer. I try to replace things as I NEED them. I try not to buy stuff that will be obsolete within a short period of time. The problem with this is that I have no psychiatrist. So here I sit with the winter blahs, and I have to find a new fix. I know that I should try exercising. There is so much research that shows how the endorphins released during exercise can combat depression. But who feels like exercising when they are depressed. Maybe if I buy a cute new exercise outfit and some shoes... ;-)